by Tamara Bernadette
Late last night I was praying to God and began to pour out my troubles. I was doing a lot of complaining, not every day but often enough. I was feeling discouraged and hopeless. Usually, I am able to rally out of it with prayer, but not this time.
I was questioning if my life had any purpose. No matter what I did, nothing seemed to be getting any better. I changed my life to be a better person than I used to be, which is a huge. I am happy with the work I put into the process, but nothing was happening. Nothing was making sense. Even what seemed to make sense, didn’t anymore because nothing was working.
I thought I got it all wrong and I wasted all this time working toward the wrong thing. All those years, all that work, all that time wasted and for what? What was the point? Why was it going nowhere? What did I do wrong? What did I miss? I had my ups and downs like anyone else, but I wasn’t understanding why was I coming up empty.
Along the way, I had many lessons. These lessons chipped away at me from all sides until the new me emerged. That was good. Good for me, my family, good for everyone. I couldn’t wait to share my knowledge with everyone. That’s when I knew I was to share it in a book and teach it. Great! Made sense to me, but it wasn’t working as I thought. That’s when I began to question everything.
I know things aren’t perfect. I know life still throws us a curve ball. But at least I wanted to grab the bat and swing. I did all that I could think of to do. But still, nothing was working. I was very discouraged.
Gone were the screaming days. That was from my old self. But, I still needed to learn something I didn’t see before.
Sure, God is for us. He is with us all the time. He gives us a plan and we go for it- great. It’s great when all goes well. But when it doesn’t, what do we do?
We don’t stop there. That’s what. We have to push through and do what King David did when he was greatly distressed over being chased and stoned. He had to hold on to the promise to be King. He had to find a way to encourage himself and hold on and keep his faith.
I have to remind myself that I have a responsibility to grow up in my own faith walk. We all do. God has the best plans for our lives and he has a manual for us to follow. The devil has a plan for us, too. His plan is to destroy any good thing God has for us. The place he affects us the most is in our minds. It’s up to us to say what God says. We must speak those words of encouragement that God has already said about us. Encourage yourself. Revive your faith, again, with the promises of God. He hasn’t given up on us. He is working his plan with every step in faith.
Psalm 43:4,5~ There I will go to the alter of God, to God- the source of all my joy. I will praise you with my harp, O God, my God. Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again- my Savior and my God!