Like Bamboo Roots

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I have had several bad days, lately. I have done everything I can think of in my own power to shake this off. It’s happened a lot in the last 6 months or so, but not as bad or in length as this.

I know God has given me this call to do what it is I’m pursuing. I know about working it to the best of my abilities, and when that isn’t enough, I call on the Holy Spirit to help me. It’s taken me many years to get this far because of all the stop/go, go/stop I’ve encountered in this journey. I’d get to a point and bam! Like the Lord was saying, “Stop. That’s enough of that, now we’re going in another direction. I want you to learn this.” I’d wonder what I did all that work for and I’d be reminded that all things work together for good to those who are in Christ and are called according to his purpose. That’s fine, but when? That was my question.

This cycle went on for years as my knowledge in Christ grew. I was learning a lot about him and myself and gaining awareness of the process of growth. What we need for staying power is the foundation we receive from our faith walk. How could I measure it? Nothing I have been waiting for has manifested, yet, so how do I know?

We move from faith to faith and we can then pass on our knowledge to others to help them in their faith walk. We find our self, as least for me, that I will talk and share my story and my understanding of the Lord and his ways. I have knowledge and experience and when I speak I am amazed at the words coming out of my mouth. It’s taken years to develop that foundation, my roots are deep. It certainly didn’t happen overnight. Like a Chinese bamboo tree, it takes 5 years of growing underground, which you cannot see any sign of growth before it surfaces. After it surfaces, it only takes 5 weeks to grow 90 feet tall. But how can it possibly do that without a solid root growth? Our growth we cannot see until we have some built roots, some substance, some time invested in the growth process.

I had to remember this today when I was feeling so confused. Why was this still happening to me? Then it came to me that it’s in my foundation of growth. I am about to break surface, but not before the foundation is prepared. I am preparing everything. I am preparing for what I have believed for, all these years. I am building and growing and soon, I will break through.

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Now I Can Move On

me on the Columbia River

Sometimes going back to a place that was only bad memories, you find out it wasn’t as bad as you believed. You carried that weight on your shoulders, taking space in your brain only to find out you were wrong. When you get there, after all those years you realize it wasn’t as bad as you thought and it was only in your mind. That happened to me.

For years I couldn’t even think of ever going back. Never. But, as it happened I went back to attend a funeral. While I was there I was able to see the new buildings, stores, and homes that popped up everywhere making it look inviting. I was amazed. I was a kid again. All of a sudden I was filled with joy. I was giddy as I pointed at everything that I remembered. It was fun. Just like a kid. “Look at that!” “I remember that. It’s still the same!” “Oooh, look. There’s a new bridge. Was it there before?” “I remember being here. It was so fun.”

I said it. “It was so fun.” How did I forget all the good? How did I erase the things that kept me sane while I was there? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I am no longer a prisoner of that short period of my life that kept me down for years. That time was short, but my mind made it long. What a waste.

While I was there I was able to see places I loved. The incredible river that went on for miles where we used to cruise along the road. The laughs, the summer, the warmth, the sun. I stood on top of a rock and looked from one end of the mighty water to the other, smelling the familiar air. Lovely.

What did going back and finding the beauty of the past do for me? I was able to remember and move on with a smile.

Not As Easy As It Seems

eagle soaring

 I’ve been busy on my social media but not here. I apologize. I have all these different sites and it’s been a bit of a challenge to try to keep up. You wonder what is the right fit and you work on that for a while to gain some kind of momentum. I love this one, though. I knew I wanted to keep this and I kept telling myself I would be back, but I just didn’t get to it. It kind of fell to the bottom of my to-do list. But, I’m still here.

The last thing I wrote about was doing my workshop. Well, as it turns out it’s not as easy as it seems. I have been to many over the years with work, church, women’s groups but I wasn’t the one putting them on. There are many things to think about before you start. My problem, well, one of them is that I let too many people give their opinion. Those who understand what I’m trying to do and those who just don’t get it. Either way, too many people having a say in what I am doing. Did this discourage me? Maybe a little but not completely because I know it came from God. But getting the right information has been a challenge.

I’ve come to the understanding I don’t have to be perfect. Which is something I was trying to do. I have never done this before and I wanted to be perfect. It doesn’t work that way. It’s over time and a lot of practice and some failures but you keep on going. I didn’t get that before. I tell ya, I sure wish I knew that when I was younger. That would have made a world of difference for me. I thought I had to be perfect in everything and if there was no chance, I’d quit or just not start. It’s true. Fear. Oh my gosh. So much fear.

It’s taken me to go on this road to see that this is how it works. It’s okay not to be perfect. Just get out there. What I have learned is that the more I learn, the more I need to learn, which has made the process slow. But the knowledge I’ve gained is incredible. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

No, it hasn’t been as easy as I thought but I know it will turn out well, no matter what. I will just keep at it until I have reached my goal of having sold out workshops. I believe in what I do and the message I have to share. So, if the Lord, creator of my life and heaven and earth has given me this assignment, I think it’s gonna be fine.

Help! I’m doing a Workshop!

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Help! I’m creating my first workshop!

 

Yes, it’s true. I was in prayer one day and I asked the Lord, “what do you want me to do, now?” Well, he didn’t give me an answer at the moment. but a few days later I was driving on the freeway and I got it. It was coming to me so fast that I had to get out my phone and record it or I’d forget the details. The information was coming to me in bullet points. I spoke it into my recorder as fast as it was coming to me. A workshop. The Lord showed me to prepare for workshops.

I’d done them before in a former job, so I had no problem Doing Them. I just hadn’t been the one who designed and created them. There was already in place the materials to pass out, slide presentations, products to sell were all ready to go, answers to everything I taught- and I didn’t have to worry about anything but showing up. So I have the experience.

This is different. This is my own thing. My personal information I want to share. The thing I went through Hell for, to teach others, help them, give advice, insight, a path to change. That’s my message and purpose. And here the Lord said, “create your workshop and this is what I want you to do.”

Have you heard the saying, if you’re not scared of the task, the dream, the vision then it’s probably not from God? If you’re scared, it’s probably from God. He wants us to rely on Him, not on our own strength. He is to get the glory. Well, I admit. I am scared.  I never did anything that was that scary or risky, never. If it got to be risky, my pattern was to quit. That’s why I’m in this dilemma today. Too scared to risk. That’s a sad way to live, I know. So, I have a lot to teach, ha, ha. Really.

Anyway, I’m writing this as part of accountability. Everyone around me wants me to play it safe and not risk too much. They don’t want to see me get hurt, get my hopes up and things don’t work. They mean well but it isn’t encouraging. It’s an easy escape.

Anyway, that is what is on my plate lately. I finished my online workshop. I enjoyed that. Everything about it. To tell the truth, I’d love to create more of those, but I’d charge for it. The first one was free. There’s a lot that goes into creating videos. I did everything in it. Great training for the future, I suppose.

It’s my dream to do this and be very good at it. I want what everyone wants, to be the best they can be. That’s what I want and what I teach; changing through the Fruits of the Holy Spirit.

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Here we go…

I Want To Be That Girl

 

I nearly panicked. But because of the years of training I have had with the Lord, I paused and turned to HIm.  I was hit with three bills that need to be paid right now. Now. I haven’t the funds to do so. In fact, my account is upside down. I have no means to get the funds immediately and I had to give it to God. In the past, I would have panicked and tried every means I could to get it taken care of, but this time, I wanted to pass the test.

In the past, I would have handled it and not wait to see what the Lord would come up with. I’d thank him for the fix, but was it his idea? I don’t think so. It was me in panic mode. This time I had a new thought. I went to prayer. I journaled and prayed in my journal. That lead me to the scripture, Numbers 11:23, “Is the Lord’s arm too short? Now you will see whether or not what I say will come true for you.” Declares the Lord.  which reminded me that God wants us to Praise our way out of our mess. That lead me to turn on praise music and I got on my knees to worship, surrender and Praise. 

My spirit was lifted. Peace entered my mind and I said, ‘I want to be that girl.’ That girl who gets on the floor and to worship him, knowing everything will be fine. I always wanted to be her, but too much had happened and I was still waiting for breakthrough. I was still waiting and then things keep happening. I trust, but was there a limit? I wanted to be that girl who says, in complete honesty that Jesus took care of everything. When there was no way, he took care of everything. I wanted that. But I didn’t have it, yet.  I had an opportunity to be that, have that to say that and I thought of all the times he wanted to show himself but I got in the way.

God is a good, good father. But we have to get out of the way so he can show himself. He does not share His glory. He is mighty, big, strong, gentle and Kind. We can trust him. I can trust him. I’m going to be fine. In fact, I’m going to be great, because He says so.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”  Proverbs 3:5,6

If not you, then who will pray for your family?

family

What has happened to the family? What has happened to the importance of a good, solid family?

This is sort of off the norm of what I usually write about but today I thought it was important to bring up. 

My family is going through some major breakdown. We used to be so close and now we are falling apart. The fighting has escalated to an all-time high. The strife and disrespect have taken on a life of its own. Trying to pull everyone together to try to bring some peace and forgiveness is not even an option, so what do I do? 

I have been praying for my family through one thing after another. It started when my kids were very young. They’re all grown up now but it doesn’t stop me from praying for them. It’s just another level of how I do it and what I say.

I come from a large family of several aunts and uncles, 5 siblings with their kids and grand-kids, several cousins and their kids, second cousins+, nieces, a few nephews and four sons and a grandson. Everyone is within 1 1/2 hour drive, texts all day and some phone calls. Most weekends it’s a normal thing to find someone in the family having some kind of get together. If not planned, impromptu is just fine. We have had many years of having our kids get together to keep up the tradition of making family a priority. A friend who once told me that I didn’t need friends because I had my large family. Although having friends was great, she was right. I did have this awesome family I did everything with. My core best friends were my sister, my cousin and my niece. My brother had my sons to hang with him and the younger kids/cousins hung out together. It was great. 

I wanted to keep this positive family dynamic going, but we got hit with tragedy, death, and divorce. Too much of it in a short period of time. It reared its destructive, ugly head in many areas of the lives of our family. It became too much to bear in some and that caused a ripple effect of a downward spiral. For some, it was worse than others. For others it was a journey to becoming a better person. And others, it’s ongoing. 

What’s happened in my family recently has cause more problems.

Now I understand that as our kids get older they will pull away and want to have their own life and associate with whomever they please. If they choose not to be around the family, that’s their choice. I get that. But when the reason for staying away is because you’re mad at someone, you can’t speak to this one or that one for whatever reason… that is a problem. You don’t realize that it hurts others in your family. It will cause some to take sides when sides shouldn’t be in the picture. Something needs to be done. But you seem to be the only one who cares. What do you do?

For me, I was broken. This had never happened in all my years in my large family. There have been problems, but nothing like this. I prayed and prayed and prayed for years. But instead of things getting better, they got worse.

This morning I found myself angry, wondering where is God? I wondered what happened with all those prayers I had already prayed over the years? Didn’t that mean anything? Did they only hit the ceiling and disappear from there? I began to call God on his own word. He said family is the most important thing. Marriage and family. He created it. It’s our foundation, our strength. What was happening to my family?

Then I realized it wasn’t God. This was the work of the enemy, Satan who hates anything good and family is a very good thing. He has an all-out war against the family, mine and yours. God is for us. He is doing things behind the scenes to heal everyone in my family. There has been so much pain that it will take the hand of almighty God the heal and restore us all.

I was called to stand for my family and I have been in this battle for years. On the outside, it doesn’t seem like anything is happening but I know it is. I trust the Lord is working on my behalf and on behalf of my family. There are a lot of us and a lot needs to be done. It’s not an easy fix.

As I write this it is becoming clear what the Lord is doing. He has things under control. I may get angry over what’s going on and that’s fine. But I mustn’t stay there. I need to give it to the Lord and let him deal with all the parties involved.

Yes, I wanted to throw in the towel because it’s heartbreaking to see my family coming apart when I see the greatness in each one of them. I want to fix it, but it’s way over my abilities to fix this mess. Only Jesus can.

The bible says when we go through hard times, we need to know we are not alone. There are many others who are going through the same thing and we must encourage one another to keep praying, keep standing, keep believing even when there seems nothing is happening. Trust God. Give it to him. He will make all things work together for those who believe in Him. 

Ask yourself- if not you then who will pray for your family? Who can love them and want the best for all of them more than you? Only God. So don’t give up on them. Don’t lose the hope you have for them. If you can see it, He can do it and do it better than you can imagine.

Don’t give up.