Help! I’m doing a Workshop!


Help! I’m creating my first workshop!


Yes, it’s true. I was in prayer one day and I asked the Lord, “what do you want me to do, now?” Well, he didn’t give me an answer at the moment. but a few days later I was driving on the freeway and I got it. It was coming to me so fast that I had to get out my phone and record it or I’d forget the details. The information was coming to me in bullet points. I spoke it into my recorder as fast as it was coming to me. A workshop. The Lord showed me to prepare for workshops.

I’d done them before in a former job, so I had no problem Doing Them. I just hadn’t been the one who designed and created them. There was already in place the materials to pass out, slide presentations, products to sell were all ready to go, answers to everything I taught- and I didn’t have to worry about anything but showing up. So I have the experience.

This is different. This is my own thing. My personal information I want to share. The thing I went through Hell for, to teach others, help them, give advice, insight, a path to change. That’s my message and purpose. And here the Lord said, “create your workshop and this is what I want you to do.”

Have you heard the saying, if you’re not scared of the task, the dream, the vision then it’s probably not from God? If you’re scared, it’s probably from God. He wants us to rely on Him, not on our own strength. He is to get the glory. Well, I admit. I am scared.¬† I never did anything that was that scary or risky, never. If it got to be risky, my pattern was to quit. That’s why I’m in this dilemma today. Too scared to risk. That’s a sad way to live, I know. So, I have a lot to teach, ha, ha. Really.

Anyway, I’m writing this as part of accountability. Everyone around me wants me to play it safe and not risk too much. They don’t want to see me get hurt, get my hopes up and things don’t work. They mean well but it isn’t encouraging. It’s an easy escape.

Anyway, that is what is on my plate lately. I finished my online workshop. I enjoyed that. Everything about it. To tell the truth, I’d love to create more of those, but I’d charge for it. The first one was free. There’s a lot that goes into creating videos. I did everything in it. Great training for the future, I suppose.

It’s my dream to do this and be very good at it. I want what everyone wants, to be the best they can be. That’s what I want and what I teach; changing through the Fruits of the Holy Spirit.


Here we go…

I Want To Be That Girl


I nearly panicked. But because of the years of training I have had with the Lord, I paused and turned to HIm. ¬†I was hit with three bills that need to be paid right now. Now. I haven’t the funds to do so. In fact, my account is upside down. I have no means to get the funds immediately and I had to give it to God. In the past, I would have panicked and tried every means I could to get it taken care of, but this time, I wanted to pass the test.

In the past, I would have handled it and not wait to see what the Lord would come up with. I’d thank him for the fix, but was it his idea? I don’t think so. It was me in panic mode. This time I had a new thought. I went to prayer. I journaled and prayed in my journal. That lead me to the scripture, Numbers 11:23, “Is the Lord’s arm too short? Now you will see whether or not what I say will come true for you.” Declares the Lord. ¬†which reminded¬†me that God wants us to Praise our way out of our mess. That lead me to turn on praise music and I got on my knees to worship, surrender and Praise.¬†

My spirit was lifted. Peace entered my mind and I¬†said, ‘I want to be that girl.’ That girl who gets on the floor and to worship him, knowing everything will be fine. I always wanted to be her, but too much had happened and I was still waiting¬†for breakthrough. I was still waiting and then things keep happening. I trust, but was there a limit? I wanted to be that girl who says, in complete honesty that Jesus took care of everything. When there was no way, he took care of everything. I wanted that. But I didn’t have it, yet. ¬†I had an opportunity to be that, have that to say that and I thought of all the times he wanted to show himself but I got in the way.

God is a good, good father. But we have to get out of the way so he can show himself. He does not share His glory. He is mighty, big, strong, gentle and Kind. We can trust him. I can trust him. I’m going to be fine. In fact, I’m going to be great, because He says so.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” ¬†Proverbs 3:5,6

If not you, then who will pray for your family?


What has happened to the family? What has happened to the importance of a good, solid family?

This is sort of off the norm of what I usually write about but today I thought it was important to bring up. 

My family is going through some major breakdown. We used to be so close and now we are falling apart. The fighting has escalated to an all-time high. The strife and disrespect have taken on a life of its own. Trying to pull everyone together to try to bring some peace and forgiveness is not even an option, so what do I do? 

I have been praying for my family through one thing after another. It started when my kids were very young. They’re all grown up now but it doesn’t stop me from praying for them. It’s just another level of how I do it and what I say.

I come from a large family of several aunts and uncles, 5 siblings with their kids and grand-kids, several cousins and their kids, second cousins+, nieces, a few nephews and four sons and a grandson. Everyone is within 1 1/2 hour drive, texts all day and some phone calls. Most weekends it’s a normal thing to find someone in the family having some kind of get together. If not planned, impromptu is just fine. We have had many years of having our kids get together to keep up the tradition of making family a priority. A friend who once told me that I didn’t need friends because I had my large family. Although having friends was great, she was right. I did have this awesome family I did everything with. My core best friends were my sister, my cousin and my niece. My brother had my sons to hang with him and the younger kids/cousins hung out together. It was great.¬†

I wanted to keep this positive family dynamic going, but we got hit with tragedy, death, and divorce. Too much of it in a short period of time. It reared its destructive, ugly head in many areas of the lives of our family. It became too much to bear in some and that caused a ripple effect of a downward spiral. For some, it was worse than others. For others it was a journey to becoming a better person. And others, it’s ongoing.¬†

What’s happened in my family recently has cause more problems.

Now I understand that as our kids get older they will pull away and want to have their own life and associate with whomever they please. If they choose not to be around the family, that’s their choice. I get that. But when the reason for staying away is because you’re mad at someone, you can’t speak to this one or that one for whatever reason… that is a problem. You don’t realize that it hurts others in your family. It will cause some to take sides when sides shouldn’t be in the picture. Something needs to be done. But you seem to be the only one who cares. What do you do?

For me, I was broken. This had never happened in all my years in my large family. There have been problems, but nothing like this. I prayed and prayed and prayed for years. But instead of things getting better, they got worse.

This morning I found myself angry, wondering where is God? I wondered what happened with all those prayers I had already prayed over the years? Didn’t that mean anything? Did they only hit the ceiling and disappear from there? I began to call God on his own word. He said family is the most important thing. Marriage and family. He created it. It’s our foundation, our strength. What was happening to my family?

Then I realized it wasn’t God. This was the work of the enemy, Satan who hates anything good and family is a very good thing. He has an all-out war against the family, mine and yours. God is for us. He is doing things behind the scenes to heal everyone in my family. There has been so much pain that it will take the hand of almighty God the heal and restore us all.

I was called to stand for my family and I have been in this battle for years. On the outside, it doesn’t seem like anything is happening but I know it is. I trust the Lord is working on my behalf and on behalf of my family. There are a lot of us and a lot needs to be done. It’s not an easy fix.

As I write this it is becoming clear what the Lord is doing. He has things under control. I may get angry over what’s going on and that’s fine. But I mustn’t stay there. I need to give it to the Lord and let him deal with all the parties involved.

Yes, I wanted to throw in the towel because it’s heartbreaking to see my family coming apart when I see the greatness in each one of them. I want to fix it, but it’s way over my abilities to fix this mess. Only Jesus can.

The bible says when we go through hard times, we need to know we are not alone. There are many others who are going through the same thing and we must encourage one another to keep praying, keep standing, keep believing even when there seems nothing is happening. Trust God. Give it to him. He will make all things work together for those who believe in Him. 

Ask yourself- if not you then who will pray for your family? Who can love them and want the best for all of them more than you? Only God. So don’t give up on them. Don’t lose the hope you have for them. If you can see it, He can do it and do it better than you can imagine.

Don’t give up.


Sometimes I Do Get Scared

I just had a little scare. I was going over my to do/check list of things I need to do in this course I’m doing, and with the several parts to it I have different checks. I have a calender that I have listed what gets posted today. A book that has a list of what I need to create and prepare. Another page for what lesson gets posted on social media. I have a video log of what goes on youtube, what is for the website only and what is for Instagram and so on. I have check lists for everything. Each day has its list of what gets done for that day. It’s created for order. Most days it’s good. And all my items are checked on time, in order.
But tonight as I was going over videos that I created for instagram, a few were gone. I accidentally erased them. Not that big of a deal. Those are only a minute long. But, as I looked at my calender, I got confused about what I already posted. 

What?! I’m behind! I thought I was a week ahead! I need to pick up the pace! How am I going to do that? It already takes me all day to do one lesson. 

I looked it over again. I looked at all my lists. I looked at the videos to see what was posted. It seemed wrong. There’s a mistake. I calmed down and looked at the dates on the calender. What was supposed to be done yesterday? Okay. Fine. Check. What’s on schedule for tomorrow? Okay, good. It’s ready. So, what’s the problem? As it turned out, I was looking at the wrong week. I was a week ahead as planned. I just looked too far ahead. Whew! Thank God.

So what happened? Nothing. This happens when you are doing everything yourself. You are your own assistant. You are your own director, your own manager, your own everything. It’s the end of the day and I’m exhausted. I experienced what happens to most people who run their own business single handed. But, it’s okay. That’s not the first time I had a scare. The first few days were full of them. But it’s getting better. It was just a little scare.

Staying the Course

It has been a rough few days. Little sleep, late nights, multiple birthday celebrations, changing locations, off my diet, weather changes all while I am still working on my free web class. It’s a lot going on all at once and I love it. I realized that I had already passed the test of ‘keep going’ no matter what’s going on in my life. I take my work with me and do it as best I can. I know that people do it all the time. But for me, when things get too much about this time, I would have already quit and moved on to the next thing. I have come a long way.

I get up and I know my day is going to be great. Even being exhausted from a long weekend, or night of little sleep, I commit¬†to doing the work, on schedule, no matter what. I don’t know who is taking my course, I haven’t checked. There is a reason for that. I don’t want to get caught up on that and lose sight of what is important. There is so much more that’s going on behind the scenes. I trust God in this. I am learning and I am growing and getting past old, bad habits. I am using my past to help others when they do the class whenever that will be. Whether there is an audience or not, I create it as if there are hundreds.

I treat each day as if I am going to the studio. I turned my bedroom into a studio and I do everything myself. I’m learning what it takes to do a video; research, rehearsal, content, hair/makeup, wardrobe, staging, lights, timing, etc. A lot. And it makes me so happy doing this work.

I knew a few years back I wanted to do this, but I didn’t know how it was going to happen. I had no idea how to get started, who to talk to, where to go. I don’t run in those circles, yet. I looked online and watched how others do it. I tried to copy, but that ended at a wall. I could only get so far and it never would get to the place I needed or wanted. I couldn’t even get an appointment to meet people who were doing what I wanted to do. I was always in the wrong place, or timing was off, or I couldn’t get to where they were. Networking was just not for me. It was not for me to go that route. God had another way. His way was to just do it from where I was and don’t look to the left or to the right. Don’t jump ahead. Don’t stay back. Move one step at a time and do what was in front of me. Man! That was new. I always jumped ahead and got nowhere. Now, now that I am doing things God’s way, I am not stressing and enjoying every step of the new life that’s unfolding before my eyes.

I am so grateful. I say it all the time. I can’t help myself. I am. It’s such an amazing feeling that I haven’t experienced before. I’d have great moments here and there, but this is different. This experience continues to¬†stretch, push, guide, and bless me every day. I thank the Lord for this. It’s a dream to me. Sounds nuts, but that’s the truth. I am so happy with how things are working and I still don’t know where this will lead. I am just enjoying it. For the first time in my life, I love my life. Odd, huh? Yeah. But it’s great. Really great. I only wish I had more energy. Other than that, it’s fantastic!

All things work together for a purpose

Isn’t it amazing when we find out or figure out that the things that God had planned for us come¬†out of our strusun-flowerggle or pain? We often wonder ‘what the heck did I do to go through all that? For what purpose? Why did I have to struggle so much? Why did I have to lose so much? Why did it¬†take so long?’¬†I speak for myself here, but I wonder is there anyone else who has asked those same questions?

I have now come to a place of praising God every day, and I mean it. We learn in our faith walk to praise Him and in our hearts we do, we want to. But to be honest, I had a real struggle. I wasn’t so happy with my life. I tried to be a good sport about it. I tried to have a good attitude and not complain, at least not so much. I tried to see the positive in all things. But it was hard. None of my life was making any sense. I couldn’t see how I was going to get out of the situation I was in, and it would take a lot. I stayed faithful. I prayed all the time. I was careful with my behavior. I was studying his word and speaking his words, etc. I tried to listen to what I believed he was telling me to do. I tried to be obedient to the best of my ability. I wanted the promises he gave me. This went on for years. Then finally, FINALLY I surrendered.

What’s funny is I thought I¬†already did surrender some years back. Well, for the most part, I did, but I was still trying to run the show. God gave me a plan and I¬†ran with it. Didn’t really enquire how- I just did what I thought I should do. As you can imagine, I kept running up again a wall. A dead end. I was confused. What now? What the heck did I do wrong, now? I had nothing left. Then the Lord told me he had lots of things he wanted to do for me and with me but I had too much of me in the way. Wow! That was a shock. I was done. So we started at square one.

I asked what did he want me to do. Well, a¬†few days later he gave me a dream. In the dream, I saw me writing and speaking with a microphone. Exactly what I thought in the first place. I was just trying to do it my way and not his. I decided to let him lead. I went back to the starting point and began small. As it turns out, that’s all I could handle.

God is so good. I am¬†now teaching my first course from my books he had me write, which went nowhere, but… it was for this very purpose. I have texts to teach from, which happen to be from my journey in my change.

Every day when I make a new video or write the blog or whatever the job calls for, I am so grateful because it’s more than I ever thought possible for me. I didn’t think He would do this for me. But he is doing this all through me as I surrender and let him have his way. I LOVE IT! It’s not perfect, I’m still learning as I go along. I’m not getting paid, but I love what I’m doing. I have so much I want to share and he has given me a platform to do it. Every day I am in awe of this work. It is simple for many, but for me, nothing like this has ever come my way. I wasn’t prepared, for one thing. And my spirit wasn’t right. God had to change me.

I have a youtube channel. I have a facebook page. I have a website that has my workshop to help women take the steps to change and become the women God wants them to be. I have the Holy Spirit to guide me every step of the way. God has taken all my mess and using it for his purpose. I love every minute of it. Most days I am exhausted, but oh so grateful.