I Want To Be That Girl

 

I nearly panicked. But because of the years of training I have had with the Lord, I paused and turned to HIm. ¬†I was hit with three bills that need to be paid right now. Now. I haven’t the funds to do so. In fact, my account is upside down. I have no means to get the funds immediately and I had to give it to God. In the past, I would have panicked and tried every means I could to get it taken care of, but this time, I wanted to pass the test.

In the past, I would have handled it and not wait to see what the Lord would come up with. I’d thank him for the fix, but was it his idea? I don’t think so. It was me in panic mode. This time I had a new thought. I went to prayer. I journaled and prayed in my journal. That lead me to the scripture, Numbers 11:23, “Is the Lord’s arm too short? Now you will see whether or not what I say will come true for you.” Declares the Lord. ¬†which reminded¬†me that God wants us to Praise our way out of our mess. That lead me to turn on praise music and I got on my knees to worship, surrender and Praise.¬†

My spirit was lifted. Peace entered my mind and I¬†said, ‘I want to be that girl.’ That girl who gets on the floor and to worship him, knowing everything will be fine. I always wanted to be her, but too much had happened and I was still waiting¬†for breakthrough. I was still waiting and then things keep happening. I trust, but was there a limit? I wanted to be that girl who says, in complete honesty that Jesus took care of everything. When there was no way, he took care of everything. I wanted that. But I didn’t have it, yet. ¬†I had an opportunity to be that, have that to say that and I thought of all the times he wanted to show himself but I got in the way.

God is a good, good father. But we have to get out of the way so he can show himself. He does not share His glory. He is mighty, big, strong, gentle and Kind. We can trust him. I can trust him. I’m going to be fine. In fact, I’m going to be great, because He says so.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” ¬†Proverbs 3:5,6

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Staying the Course


It has been a rough few days. Little sleep, late nights, multiple birthday celebrations, changing locations, off my diet, weather changes all while I am still working on my free web class. It’s a lot going on all at once and I love it. I realized that I had already passed the test of ‘keep going’ no matter what’s going on in my life. I take my work with me and do it as best I can. I know that people do it all the time. But for me, when things get too much about this time, I would have already quit and moved on to the next thing. I have come a long way.

I get up and I know my day is going to be great. Even being exhausted from a long weekend, or night of little sleep, I commit¬†to doing the work, on schedule, no matter what. I don’t know who is taking my course, I haven’t checked. There is a reason for that. I don’t want to get caught up on that and lose sight of what is important. There is so much more that’s going on behind the scenes. I trust God in this. I am learning and I am growing and getting past old, bad habits. I am using my past to help others when they do the class whenever that will be. Whether there is an audience or not, I create it as if there are hundreds.

I treat each day as if I am going to the studio. I turned my bedroom into a studio and I do everything myself. I’m learning what it takes to do a video; research, rehearsal, content, hair/makeup, wardrobe, staging, lights, timing, etc. A lot. And it makes me so happy doing this work.

I knew a few years back I wanted to do this, but I didn’t know how it was going to happen. I had no idea how to get started, who to talk to, where to go. I don’t run in those circles, yet. I looked online and watched how others do it. I tried to copy, but that ended at a wall. I could only get so far and it never would get to the place I needed or wanted. I couldn’t even get an appointment to meet people who were doing what I wanted to do. I was always in the wrong place, or timing was off, or I couldn’t get to where they were. Networking was just not for me. It was not for me to go that route. God had another way. His way was to just do it from where I was and don’t look to the left or to the right. Don’t jump ahead. Don’t stay back. Move one step at a time and do what was in front of me. Man! That was new. I always jumped ahead and got nowhere. Now, now that I am doing things God’s way, I am not stressing and enjoying every step of the new life that’s unfolding before my eyes.

I am so grateful. I say it all the time. I can’t help myself. I am. It’s such an amazing feeling that I haven’t experienced before. I’d have great moments here and there, but this is different. This experience continues to¬†stretch, push, guide, and bless me every day. I thank the Lord for this. It’s a dream to me. Sounds nuts, but that’s the truth. I am so happy with how things are working and I still don’t know where this will lead. I am just enjoying it. For the first time in my life, I love my life. Odd, huh? Yeah. But it’s great. Really great. I only wish I had more energy. Other than that, it’s fantastic!

I thought all was lost

happinessI thought all was lost. I started back on this blog site having a great time posting my work but then a twist of finances caused me to lose my domain. But I thought I would take a chance to see if it was still there and there it was. Not as I would have liked but it’s still there. I have had to start over on so many things in the last seven years and the thought of one more to the list was too much. I didn’t want to have to start over and write everything all over again. The theme for this blog site is about growing and trusting in what God is doing to change me, in everything.

I have another website for other purposes but this one is more personal. It’s more about my journey and less about teaching. My Website is for that; teaching. My blog, this one is about my journey.

I hope to be more active on this than I was before. A lot is going on, on the other site but I don’t want to ignore this one. I love this one. I love it because¬†I feel more connected. I don’t know why I just do.

I’m just happy it’s here!! Yay!!

Encourage Yourself

Encourage Yourself

by Tamara Bernadette

Late last night I was praying to God and began to pour out my troubles. I was doing a lot of complaining, not every day but often enough. I was feeling discouraged and hopeless. Usually, I am able to rally out of it with prayer, but not this time.
I was questioning if my life had any purpose. No matter what I did, nothing seemed to be getting any better. I changed my life to be a better person than I used to be, which is a huge. I am happy with the work I put into the process, but nothing was happening. Nothing was making sense. Even what seemed to make sense, didn’t anymore because nothing was working.
I thought I got it all wrong and I wasted all this time working toward the wrong thing. All those years, all that work, all that time wasted and for what? What was the point? Why was it going nowhere? What did I do wrong? What did I miss? I had my ups and downs like anyone else, but I wasn’t understanding why was I coming up empty.
Along the way, I had many lessons. These lessons chipped away at me from all sides until the new me emerged. That was good. Good for me, my family, good for everyone. I couldn’t wait to share my knowledge with everyone. That’s when I knew I was to share it in a book and teach it. Great! Made sense to me, but it wasn’t working as I thought. That’s when I began to question everything.
I know things aren’t perfect. I know life still throws us a curve ball. But at least I wanted to grab the bat and swing. I did all that I could think of to do. But still, nothing was working. I was very discouraged.
Gone were the screaming days. That was from my old self. But, I still needed to learn something I didn’t see before.
Sure, God is for us. He is with us all the time. He gives us a plan and we go for it- great. It’s great when all goes well. But when it doesn’t, what do we do?
We don’t stop there. That’s what. We have to push through and do what King David did when he was greatly distressed over being chased and stoned. He had to hold on to the promise to be King. He had to find a way to encourage himself and hold on and keep his faith.
I have to remind myself that I have a responsibility to grow up in my own faith walk. We all do. God has the best plans for our lives and he has a manual for us to follow. The devil has a plan for us, too. His plan is to destroy any good thing God has for us. The place he affects us the most is in our minds. It’s up to us to say what God says. We must speak those words of encouragement that God has already said about us. Encourage yourself. Revive your faith, again, with the promises of God. He hasn’t given up on us. He is working his plan with every step in faith.
Psalm 43:4,5~ There I will go to the alter of God, to God- the source of all my joy. I will praise you with my harp, O God, my God. Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again- my Savior and my God!

I went On Vacation

I Went On Vacation

by Tamara Lombard

I had¬†been on vacation. I had¬†been on vacation for a long time. I didn’t even realize how long it had been until one day I looked up and things had changed.

A lot had¬†happened while I was away. We got a new President. Social media went crazy. Protests were popping up everywhere. Everyone was angry and scared.¬†I began drinking a lot of coffee. I started indulging in any holiday excuse for a cocktail. I stopped exercising and increased in my hours on the couch¬†watching television. I stayed glued to negative reports on CNN and any other 24-hour news broadcast of current events. My book that needed another round of editing sat untouched. My blog posts came to a complete stop. ¬†After the great miraculous weight loss, I received a few years past, my favorite skinny jeans had become two sizes too small. The new music I listened to had no uplifting effect on me as¬†I just flipped past the Christian TV and radio stations. My time with God was like a drive by; just putting in my time¬†not allowing the any of the words or it’s meaning¬†fill me in any way.

Current events became my focus. I wanted to do something, but somehow my calling didn’t seem that important in the full scheme of what our country was facing. I had no answers, but I wanted to do something. I examined different issues to see where I could fit in. As a child, I remember telling my mom I wanted to grow up and save the world. I wanted to make a difference. Here we are in the worst times I can remember and I am lost. What can I do? Where do I start? But something wasn’t right. Something wasn’t right with me.

I found myself spending more time in prayer, but not as I used to. My requests became about me asking God to tell me what to do. Where do I fit? What does he want me to do? This went on night after night, week after week, month after month. I became angry and then bitter. You see, God had changed me¬†into a different person. He made me a better person¬†and I was ready to work. I was ready to pull up my sleeves and get to work for making things better. Finding a cause that I could sink my teeth into. But I received nothing. Silence. I knew this routine. I had gone through many seasons of the silent treatment while I was in the wilderness. I knew all about change in the wilderness. I knew it well. But this made no sense. I was ready. I was watching the news. I was reading all about it. I was aware of the needs and how we need to be part of the change we wish to see. I knew all about it, so why wasn’t God opening doors for me?

Then things began to shift. I started waking up at 3 or 4 am. For a while I ignored it. Then I started to pay attention that this was intentional. God was trying to get My attention. So, after a week of this and my sleep getting all messed up, I stayed awake to listen. Would Jesus speak to me now? I knew from experience that when he wants to speak, we need to be quiet and not do all the talking, which is what I did often. So I stayed quiet. Still nothing. Again, this went on a few nights. I had no idea what this was all about but I went with it. Then one night of being awakened, not knowing what to pray for,¬†I prayed in the spirit. I knew the Lord would sometimes speak a message or give me a vision while I’m praying in the spirit. But this time he didn’t.¬†I knew it was still important for me to¬†get up and acknowledge his beckoning me. Finally, I got a word. “Obedience.” I knew that message well. It came back.

Sometimes we think a small disobedience is no big deal. That was my thinking. A cup of coffee here, a small drink there, pie, cake, candy… No big deal, right? It’s different for everyone.¬†For me, I was told to stop drinking coffee, stop drinking alcohol, stop eating sweets and dairy for my health. And I did stop. For a long time. But, I let my frustration and emotions get to me and I did what I wanted. I took all my attention off of what I was already doing. I got upset because things weren’t moving as I wanted. I got upset because I thought I had wasted all this time when I could have been doing something else. I questioned if¬†I¬†ever heard from God.

I was on vacation.

I noticed my attitude toward people had changed, and not for the better. I was creeping back to my old ways, my old way of thinking. Those were months of negativity. The schemes, conspiracy theories, lies, suspicion, rage and prejudice, all from the media. I had my nose in it all. After some time it took a toll on my spirit. I was starting to act on it in my thoughts. My conversations had changed. My optimism was fading. My compassion for people was turning to skepticism. I was not myself. I hated what was happening to me. A light I had was overshadowed by the looming darkness that was trying to find a home in me.

Vacation was over.

I didn’t like what was happening to me. I didn’t like my thoughts. I didn’t like the things I would say, even in joking to my family. I was reverting back to becoming rude. I woke up. I didn’t want to go backward and lose all good I had gained. But how did it happen? How did it slip into my life?
After everything I had been through to change, how did it slip in? Disobedience. 

Yes. It seems so small and inconsequential, but it’s true. Being purposely disobedient is a sin against God. It doesn’t mean he stops loving you. It doesn’t mean he will leave you. But you put the distance there when you disobey what he has told you to do. He will let you fall until you get it. I went far. Most people don’t, but I did. I knew he was telling me to stop drinking coffee. I knew it was bad for me.¬†Last year he told me to focus on my health and fitness. But I didn’t. I thought, ‚Äúthat’s not a big deal. Why would God tell me to focus on that when there is so much more to focus on.‚ÄĚ Well, that attitude led me to disobedience. Here I am, body hurting, joints in pain, weight gain and I have to work more at getting back in shape.

It didn’t have to be this way. My body responds negatively to coffee, even decaf. It’s bad on my joints and¬†hard on my spine. Alcohol makes me¬†depressed. Not at first, but after a few days of the drink, it hits and it lasts for¬†a week. And the depression is severe. I didn’t know that was what caused my depression but when I realized it, I could see the pain it caused my life. Damaged relationships and many other areas of my life were affected by my drinking and depression cycles. Sugar hurt my liver. I could actually feel it swell. Dairy not only put on the weight, it also gave me sinus and breathing problems. Salt, high blood pressure. All this but I ignored it. I was doing pretty good last year when the Lord warned me to take care of my health and focus on it. And I see why he warned me. I was to be mindful so I wouldn’t do what I did. But I did.

One step of disobedience will lead to another a lot easier than we think. God doesn’t expect us to be perfect, but he does expect us to do our best. I wasn’t and I knew it. It’s kind of like the¬†kid who thinks they can get away with a small thing. Then they do another thing until he/she gets caught.

Back from vacation.

Like anytime you return from vacation, you get back to work. You’re focused. You’re clear. You see the picture. I realized what God had planned for me all along was exactly what I was already doing. I am doing my part for the Kingdom that he wants to reach through my work he equipped me to do. I don’t need to go off searching how to fit in what I think others say or believe. It’s all about God’s plan for me, for you, for his people. He has a perfectly fitted plan and purpose for each one of us. We are equipped for that job, whatever that is. He will put us in those circles and communities that are best suited for us. It’s okay to explore those other parts of you. Such as art, writing, cooking, teaching, music, singing, whatever is your interest. It’s fun, It’s part of who you are. Just come back to God and know he has the best plan for your life. There is no need to wonder if it’s important enough. If he called you to do it, it’s more than enough.

I’m back listening to my spirit filled music, less time on the couch and better TV shows. Less time on social media, more positive reading and much more intimate time with Jesus. The darkness is gone and God’s light is ever bright. Thank you, Jesus!

Embrace the Change

Embrace the change- don’t reject it. If you know God’s called you to make changes in your life in any way, do yourself a favor and surrender. Your life will only get more difficult. God can see you, see where you’re headed and knows what will happen if you stay on that path. Running away from your calling only slows down the blessing. There is no grace in turning your back on the plans God has for you. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. In fact, chances are it will be hard. But there is a purpose that will bless you in the end. Life is so much sweeter when you embrace those changes coming your way.

Remember Jonah and his adventure with the whale? He was called to go to Ninevah to warn the people to change their ways, but Jonah wanted no part of it. Instead, he made a run for it. He went aboard a ship to try to outrun God. Out run God? What was he thinking? That’s what we do, too. After being stuck inside the whale for a while spits him out onto the beach. He ended up doing what he was called to do, anyway. We think we can outrun the one who sees everything. ¬†We think we know better.

God has a purpose for us. Even though we can’t see it in the beginning, he will call on us in His right time. And more often than not, it is never the right time. We may feel it’s an inconvenience to our life. Like, “not now, Jesus.” I don’t know about you but I am guilty of such words and attitude. But guess what? You can’t win. You see, if God has a plan and you are a key component to His plan, do you think you can just walk away? Yes, there is free will. He won’t twist your arm or anything like that. But there will be some consequences for saying no. There is no grace when you walk away. God doesn’t have to do anything for your plans. But he does when it’s His plan for you.

Doing things your way, yet you expect him to bless you- is a recipe for disaster. That’s a big risk. I did that. It ruined my life. Many times he tried to get my attention and many times I walked away. It would take several years to realized I needed to change. I couldn’t do it myself, although I sure thought I could. I had to surrender and stop fighting to have my way. For me, it took a while but that doesn’t mean it will be that way for everyone. It could be I had a long, hard road so I’d have a lot to share for many people.

What I know is that it is better to embrace the change he wants to do in your life. He cleans out the cobwebs. He cleans you up, removing your heart of stone and giving you a new heart. You will like what God has done in you and for you. Make it easy on yourself. Trust the changes will be good for you. Don’t run. Embrace it.

I Am The One

 

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I am the one-

by Tamara Bernadette

 

“Why does it keep happening? Why do I keep getting attacked when I am doing so well in my stand? Why is there no sign that you are doing anything on my behalf? Why is it always a struggle to get you to answer my prayers?”

Have you ever asked those questions in moments of despair? I have. Sadly, it’s happened a lot. I say that¬†because you’d think by now, a “seasoned Christian” I’d understand what’s going on and why it takes so long for the promises to come to pass. You’d think I had it all figured out. Well, I don’t. I have good days, but the bad says still hit me out of the blue and it knocks me down a notch. I don’t have the childish fits I used to but I still have my moments of asking why and when.

To be honest, I don’t know how others have made it through long periods of waiting. I don’t know anyone personally so that is why it gets to me at times. I am the one.

Do you ever feel “I am the one?” You don’t know anybody¬†who is going through what you are going through. And yet, you know you have to keep on this path given to you. You know it is to make a difference, somehow, not quite sure how. but you know it to be true. You may have entertained ideas that seem one way.¬†All your thoughts lead you to confirm that to be so, only to realize that God has other plans for your outcome.

Maybe you have even had dreams that seem to confirm your thoughts. You find scriptures that also seem to confirm you are right. But again, you find it is not the case.

People pray with you, stand with you, lift you up and believe with you. But it isn’t what you thought.

One day, out of nowhere you get a clear vision of what God is doing. You already know the end because he tells you at the beginning. The issue isn’t the promise. The issue is the in-between time while waiting for the promise. Then the questions; what to do, because we got to be doing something, right? When will it happen because I am ready to get to it? Who is this for, what purpose?¬† And the biggest question, where are You, Lord? Like the Lord gave you this big promise and gets you all excited, you’re ready to go and poof, he’s gone. You are left to figure it all out on your own. So you think.

Jesus said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” It feels like you are¬†alone in one of the toughest times of your life. You talk to friends, family, counselor and they think you are going too far. They may even tell you,”Jesus would never do that.¬†Jesus would never put you in that kind of situation.¬†Jesus wouldn’t¬†take that away from you. He wouldn’t¬†have you go there or allow you to lose your job, money, home or¬†move you away from your family. He wouldn’t take away¬†all that you knew that was good for you. He just wouldn’t do that.” But you know he would because it happened to you. “So, quit. It’s too much. He understands.” And then you realize you are the one he chose for this particular job.

You are the one. He chose you to go through the wilderness for a higher purpose that will leave you with next to nothing. Your time out there is longer than anything you have ever experienced. Lonelier than you ever thought or imagined. Cut off from most things we take for granted, and your circles get smaller every day. And you cry out to Jesus. You wonder if you heard him correctly. Are your friends and family right? Was I confused and possibly interpreted his message wrong? Maybe he didn’t call me to do this thing, you wonder. But something in your spirit tells you that you were chosen to do this and it is something you are doing alone. Just you and Jesus. He’s with you, always. He is the one who you need to talk to and believe he is right there with you, even if you don’t feel it nor understand. All he asks is that we trust and believe him above all else. He will direct your steps. He is the one who will comfort you in your time of need. He will calm your anxious heart. He will help you to keep standing when you are feeling weak.¬†It is he and he alone who will do this and take you all the way to the finish line of the promise.

Remember, he gave the vision and the promise to you for your destiny. Not somebody else. He gave that one to you. So if someone asks you, you can answer with certainty, “yes, I am the one.’